What is in your house?

A rickety old house, grass over grown, shingles falling off, paint barely there, car parts and garbage strewn all around. That is what some homes look like on the outside but when you walk in you see the happiest of people laughing together, working hard as a team and loving each other as the family they are. And then across the street or down the road is that gorgeous house we all wish we could have. Pristine paint job, grass green and manicured, flowers out of a show room and a brand new sparkling car in the drive way. We want it. We wish it was ours. How can we get one just like it? But take a look inside and you see anger all around, no one talks they only yell. No one shares their days and has a conversation, they are quiet and have secrets. The house is a mess, the family is a mess and the inside looks or feels nothing like the outside of this neighbourhood jewel. How could this be? This is what I was thinking this morning as I was outside with my dog and looked back at my home. And then I realized our homes are a lot like our bodies. Someone could look at that model type girl and think she is just a modelesque on the inside and that she is full of love and beauty. Or they could look at the overweight girl and think she is fat because she deserves it and she is a bad person. But what I have come to realize is that not  all our “houses” match up to our exterior. And this is the major reason for myself as to why I want to have this surgery and bring my rickety exterior back to the neighbourhood gem I know I am on the inside. And not so that others won’t judge me anymore for how I look but so that my personality and heart show up first. Because no one wants to go tricker treating at the haunted house on the hill. Just like most people don’t want to get to know you if their first impression of you has judgment in it.

I know for myself I have a heart of gold and I want to feel that way with a body and confidence to match. I want to be seen not only by others but also by myself and my family the way that I feel my insides look. Happy, healthy, joyful, giving and present. This surgery and the road ahead of me is going to be a tough haul but I am ready and excited. I have started preparing for this adventure in a few ways. I have talked with another woman who has gone through this process. And she was so amazing. She let me have a real inside look to what I can expect with the surgery itself, the recovery and so much more. I’ve also started drinking a protein shake a day to get used to it. After Thanksgiving weekend I will be going to two shakes a day. One for breakfast and one for dinner. And only eating lunch. And then once the 23rd rolls around it is 30days of just water, protein drinks and tea or coffee. I can do it. And lastly the other thing that I have been doing to really prepare for this adventure is by seeing a therapist. She is a natural, wholistic therapist and she is awesome. She has taught me to breathe and be in the moments. She has taught me that there is more to me than the number on the scale. She has taught me to be aware of what I am eating and how I feel when I am eating. I am going to continue to see her after my surgery too so that I can keep on top of emotions, feelings, breathing and what ever else comes along with this experience.

So as I preparing to have family over for Thanksgiving this long weekend I am going to be very much in the moments, I am going to enjoy my last family meal for a little while and I am going to be very thankful for all the support I have had and will have with this weight loss journey. I hope for all of us that we can all be gems of houses on the inside and outside and if we are not that we work on whatever part of us we need to paint, wash, rebuild or bulldoze. This is my Thanksgving wish for you and for myself.

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