What a Relief! ( big sigh and exhale)

Sometimes I feel the need to pinch myself these days because I cannot believe how much my world has changed in just a few short months. And I am not quite sure what to attribute it to. Is it my weight loss, is it my new biPap machine that helps me sleep? Could it be that I am doing this with my husband ( whom by the way has lost over 60 pounds) and it feels so wonderful to have a partner to share this journey? Could it be the good choices of food I am putting in my body and the smaller amounts? Or maybe it is all of the above working together for the better good of me and my health. Whatever it is I am grateful. So very grateful. I remember when I used to wish, pray and hope for the days when I could feel this free and at such a peace with where I am. My days used to be filled with the foggy thoughts and feelings of hopelessness that I would never know a normal life. I used to only think about food and how and when I was getting it. I was truly an addict. I am not saying that I am cured, fixed or healed. I am saying that I am on the long road to recovery, which will probably never end. I know that at anytime I could go back to that place of no control/out of control and it scares me. But I am not letting fear control me anymore. I want to stay right here where I am. Happy. Content. Free. A place where dreams come true and your nightmares are in the distant past. Each day that passes and I become more and more comfortable with the new me, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am grateful for where I came from and the struggles that I have had to overcome. Without them I would not know the joy that I have today and be able to have learned and moved towards this freedom. I have realized that most addicts want even more than whatever high they are searching for is to be in a place where you feel free. Free of all those things that have controlled your every waking thoughts and all the moments in your life. Free to think, feel and be whoever the heck you want to be. And for this feeling that I have right now of such a lightness – I am so happy. And my wish is that is that all people in the world that are struggling with addiction would come to know that the high of living, loving and sharing a life is so much better than any other high in the world!

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