Vulnerability- something none of us like to have but we usually will at sometime or another. For myself this week I got to practice it on more than one occasion. It all started by heading to Victoria to find out if I am able to get my surgery. I was vulnerable because my future was in someone else’s hands. And no sooner did we leave the doctor’s office (my mother and I) did we get to have another dose of it. We were driving down McKenzie highway, during rush hour in 25 degree weather and my van decided to blow a hose. We are stuck in the middle of the road, in the heat with hundreds of cars passing us, in a different city. We were scared, we were alone, we had no way of getting home ( yet) and we were vulnerable. To the heat, to being hit by another car or worse. We put our faith in God first and then in the capable hands of my husband to find us a tow truck. The driver of the tow truck, a woman -so cool and my dad who came all the way to Victoria to pick us up after just finishing his shift at work. We survived. The van sort of survived. And we got home safe and sound. I am very grateful to all those that helped get us there.
The times when your self is exposed and you feel wide open to pain are some of the scariest times in our lives. The choice of reaction is up to another person and you are the one that is baring your soul. SCARY! I had to face yet another moment of being out on the limb when I told someone that I care deeply about exactly what was in my heart. They could have turned and ran away, out of anger but chose instead to validate my hurt and even be gracious enough to ensure my complete understanding around the situation. It is hard opening up – being naked on the line as they say and sharing what is truly in your heart. When you do this you open yourself up to even more hurt and it is terrifying. But with each time that we do, it does become a little easier.
This week has shown me yet again the people I am grateful for in my life. And I never want to take them for granted because one time they may come to me in a vulnerable state and need me to be just as compassionate back to them. And of course I will.
My friend whom I exposed my heart to did say ” you need to look in the mirror and become secure with yourself and that will make you secure with our friendship.” Great advice. It starts with me. Not the doctor. Not the weightloss itself. Not my family or friends. It starts with the reflection I see. Oh and by the way the doc did say that I am a good candidate to have the surgery…in a year or more. I can not wait for that to be the start. It has to be now!