The truth, the whole truth and nothing else!
Hi my name is Alicia and I have an addiction to food. And every moment it is a struggle. Daily I have to remind myself that food is only my fuel and not a replacement for anything else. Food addictions are one of the hardest to break because it (food) is something that you need to survive. So it is a matter of choosing the foods that will bring you closer to the life you want or the addiction you don’t. If I choose something sweet or caramel’ish then I am falling back closer to the addiction and if I choose a banana I am getting closer to the life that is waiting for me. The choice on paper may seem simple but it is plagued with quilt, sadness, insecurity and a self-serving desire to avoid deprivation. You want to choose what is right for you and you want to make yourself feel better but when all the negatives are staring you in the face it is EASY to follow that as opposed to following the path of wellness and health. Plus it’s what you know. It’s what is comfortable. Addictions of any kind numb what needs to be numbed and make all seem well with the world.
That is until the dish or carton is empty and all you are left with is the quilt and those feelings that are starting to come back now. Then what? What is next? How do you move from a place of not knowing to a place where everything is clear? In those deep, dark moments I couldn’t give you an answer that is fitting but in the moments where my head is clear and my spirits are high I would say choice is the answer. Choosing to make the right decision is just the same as choosing to make the wrong one. It is just a matter of where you are in the moment that the choice needs to be made. Am I in a place where I feel like making the best choice for myself and my future or am I in a place where it all seems like it doesn’t matter. I am trying every moment to make the right decisions and I feel like I am getting a whole lot better but there still are the times when it is not that easy. For myself I just need to continue and make the times that I am closer to the “dark” side a lot less and the times that I am closer to place I am supposed to be, even more. Like they say practice makes perfect. So I will practice, practice and practice some more.