I’m doing it…

I have finally gotten a date for my weight loss surgery. They called a few weeks ago to tell me that on November 23 of this year I will be going in for a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. What this means is that my stomach will have 80% of it removed, leaving only a banana sized sleeve shaped stomach left inside me. I will only be allowed to eat 4 oz. of food at a time and mostly  protein only. I will no longer be allowed to eat and have a drink of water during the meal. You have to drink either 1/2 hour before or after the meal otherwise your stomach fills with fluid and not the protein that gives you the energy and keeps all your muscles in tact. This is going to be a bit of a challenge to get used too. I am starting a bit here and there so it is not so much of a change come November.

When I was first told what the date of my child’s birth would be I remember having that date in my head for everything. Anything that is going on in the calendar year was always compared to being either before or after that special date. Well now I have another special date, November 23, 2015 where it will all change. My life in relation to food will never be the same. I need to become more aware of what I eat, how much I eat and when I eat. I need to make sure that what little I put in my body is going to serve me with energy and not just fill an empty emotional space. I need to become present with what is going on in my body from moment to moment and day to day. This will be challenge that I am looking forward to. You are probably  wondering how I feel about all this. Me too. There is such a gamet of emotions going on for me, from so excited for the possibilities of what’s to come to more afraid than I’ve ever been of the pain, the surgery and the recovery process. I have been trying to get my hands on as much information as I can from people who have had the surgery and one of the common things that I am learning is that you will need to mourn food and have little food funerals to say goodbye to what relationship you had before with food. And prepare yourself for this new existence with fuel for your body, not comfort, not a friend that says nothing and let’s you wallow – just fuel for your body. Those who have had the surgery have also said that even how hard it all has been and the pain and the changes they have to go through, they would never change a thing because of where they are now. So that is what I will hold onto. There have also been things written about ” I wish I knew before surgery” and this has been really helpful. Two of my favourite things I’ve heard are 1. Do not compare your progress or weight loss with anyone else. This is so true because if you do then you will either feel like you are failing or that you are the champ. Either of which is not helpful. And secondly make sure to work on any emotional issues before and during the surgery because they will still be there even 100 pounds lighter. This too is great advice. I’m looking into a counsellor as we speak actually. I don’t want to carry any extra weight with me on this journey, I want to shed the weight and any extra unwanted emotions that come with it. I will not be held back.

When you look up my surgery (V.S.G.) it shows tons of before and after pictures of the people who have had the procedure done. The differences are so crazy. Like two completely different people. I love looking at the after picture and imagining what I want mine to look like. This really helps to start thinking about your goals. Not just the hard start to this journey but what your finish line will look like to you. My goal for my end weight is to be 150 pounds or lighter with greatly defined muscles. Not beasty but BEAUTY! My goal outfit is a nice pair of slacks with a crisp white shirt tucked in and a belt, that you can see. Those two goals mean a lot to me but not as much as the goal of how I want to feel. I don’t know if I have ever been 100% confident in my entire life. That is the feeling goal I want for myself. To not have one shred of insecurity at all. I want to feel happy, healthy and proud with a smile that lights up an entire room. This is what I see for my end goal. I cannot wait to show the accomplished goal to you, the world and myself!!!!

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