If you would have told me…
My life has changed so much in the last few months, sometimes I look around in amazement and wonder if I’m in the middle of a really good dream that I hope no one wakes me up from. If you would have told me that one day I could walk into any store and pick out anything I wanted in a size medium/large I would have said you’re crazy. If you would have told me that one day I would be one of those woman that men actually take the time to “check out” I would have said quit playing. If you would have told me that one day I’d actually be that woman that other woman get angry with because their man actually took the time to check me out, I would have said, where are the hidden camera’s, am I being punked? If you would have told me that one day I would be able to keep up physically with my family playing at the park and swimming etc. I would have said, this is my dream come true. And lastly if you have told me that one day I would wake up from this nightmare that used to be my life and now be able to enjoy every moment and experience as the woman I was meant to be HAPPY, I would have to say Thank You!
I cannot even begin to explain how much my life has changed so I will start with the facts. Fact #1. I used to weigh 321 pounds. Fact #2. I now weigh 189 pounds. Fact #3. I only have 39 pounds to go to reach my goal weight. Fact #4. I have lost 132 pounds in total. Fact#5. I have lost 70 pounds since the day of my surgery (plus 32 pounds that I lost on my 30 day liquid diet) in 9 months. And the final and most important of all these facts is that I have never been happier. The weight that I have lost is not the reason that I am happy. It is so much more than that. I am happy because this is the life that I have always wanted for myself. I’m happy because I get have experiences that I have never had before. I am happy because I have confidence and it feels awesome. I am happy because my whole world used to be about how others see me and what they think about me and now finally I could care less what anyone thinks about me. You sure waste a lot of time on caring what others think about you and their opinions. Now my time is spent thinking about the things that do matter such as how can I share my joy with others? How can I be a better Mom, wife, daughter, child care provider and person? Not oh I wonder what that stranger thinks about me? Who cares. They don’t matter. The only people that matter are the people that know you and care about you.
When I think back to what a day in my life used to be it makes me sad and grateful. Sad because it took me so long to realize this is not the life that I deserve. And grateful because of the life I have now. I had to go through those hard experiences and moments to truly appreciate the life I am now blessed enough to call my own.
I feel like I used to be walking around in a costume with a face that looked like me and a body that looked like me but I was never really myself. My costume looked like me but it was heavy, dark, sad and carried tons of lost dreams with it. Now that I have unzipped this costume to reveal the true me I am light, happy and I carry with me my new found desires and hopes for the future.
And so now I need to share even more of my experiences with anyone and everyone out there so I am putting pen to paper and emotions and experiences in chapters and am writing a book. Look for that to be coming.