I wish I could describe it…

It has been two months or nine weeks and three days since my surgery. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in such a short time. I am now down 30 pounds since my surgery date. I have gotten rid of so many clothes. I have gone from a 3XL to a XL/L depending on the fit. I have gone from a size 24W to a 16/18. It is so crazy. I feel more confident and proud. I take time to look nice, instead of just throwing on what fits. I actually get to choose the style and colour I like now inside of taking what I can get. I have more energy and excitement for life. Physically the things that I have noticed since surgery are the feelings associated with eating. For instance, eating too fast makes me sneeze. I know weird right? It also hurts my stomach and throat if I eat too fast or too much at one time. And it will let you know within seconds that that was one too many bites. I used to live for sugar. The sweeter the better. Now anything too sweet and I cannot stand it. I also used to love  spicy (but not too spicy) food and anything BBQ and now I can major heartburn if I have anything like that. Water, which is a very important part of the weight loss is so hard for me to digest now. It is like liquid cement. And it is not just swallowing it, it is digesting it. It hurts in my stomach and my throat. I have tried all different temperatures to see if I can find something that will work for me, and nothing. I have tried Crystal lite, too sweet. I have tried lemon- not bad. I have to make sure to consume enough water throughout the day, somehow…  It kind of sucks but I will take a bit of discomfort in place of all the great things that are happening any day.

Some of the new things that I am finding with my body that are totally awesome are #1. I can cross my legs, not perfectly but they are crossed. Something I have never been able to do. Very exciting. I can reach my arm around my back and scratch my back. There is so much space between me and the steering wheel I feel like someone should be sitting on my lap. I used to be right up to it with the seat all the way to the back. All chairs are finally comfortable for me, even movie theatre chairs. I actually have space. Booths are no problem. The real test will be folding chairs in the summer. They were my nightmare. I no longer worry about breaking anything anymore. So nice not to have to think about that.

All of those things are so wonderful but there is something that is even better than all of those combined and that is… I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE SEE ME NOW! I am no longer invisible. This is huge, really huge. The world that I have been living in but never really LIVED in is finally acknowledging me. Men hold doors for me and smile at me. Woman don’t roll their eyes and make snide remarks to me anymore. Children no longer stare and say Fat or Pregnant. I am seen by people, noticed as another human being and not a problem that needs fixing. All the time that I was overweight I never realized how much it hurt me to be invisible until now. It hurts me to recognize the same pain in others and I wish they knew what the other side felt like. I wish they knew that it could be better and that they didn’t have to feel that undescribable pain anymore. It is so true what they say that you get what you give. I leave my home now feeling confident, comfortable in my clothes and proud of who I am becoming. And what I get back is people who see that in me. Acknowledgment and validation from people who too have confidence, are comfortable with themselves and proud of who they are. Recently at the store my husband looked right past me because he was looking for the old me, the obese woman with her head hung low. The new me is the woman who holds her head high and smiles at those around her just waiting for what comes next. I wish I could adequately describe these feelings that I am having now versus the feelings I used to have. I will simply say this it is like I have gone from staticky black and white television to HD technicolor in 3D. Life is better, people are better, the world is better and I feel a heck of a lot better. Two months out and I would never go back. Thank you VSG (verticle sleeve gastrectomy) and Dr. Amson for this gift.

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