T-Minus 6 days until I go and see the specialist in Victoria for weight loss surgery that I am hoping to have.  He is going to tell me whether or not I may get the surgery. I am nervous. He had asked me in our first meeting to do only a few things in regards to losing weight before I saw him again. I was to walk 60 minutes every day and I was to make healthy food choices. Alright, no problem. WRONG! I have not done either very well and then I want to go to him and say ok look I know I didn’t show it to you but I really do want the surgery. How will he react? I just need to keep thinking positively and show him that I have really been working on my inside self and trying to understand the reasons behind my addiction to food. Fingers crossed. I wanted to tell you a little bit about the surgery that I hope to have and why I chose it. It is called the Youx en Y bariatric surgery. What they will do is go inside and make my stomach smaller and move a bunch of stuff around in order for my stomach to only be able to handle  small amounts of very nutrious food. If I have anything fattening, sweet or greasy my stomach will hate it and turn on me. Or worst case scenario my stomach could stretch and it all be a waste of time if I don’t make good choices in the food I put into my body. It forces you to really think about your decisions with food and this is the number one reason I chose this one.  It also has a really great success rate and will allow you to lose up to 75% of your excess weight within the first year. I will let you know what the verdict is in a week once I have gone to see him and see what he says. Positive thinking please.

In regards to last weeks post I must say I was in a really dark place and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the why of my pain. I am happy to say that I was able to feel it and heal it with the help of my amazing husband and a whole lot of prayer and writing. I am moving on and now I want to spend time on the postives of life and how I can stay there. I have a world of wonderful people and things surrounding me and I need to spend my time focused on all the goodness, not steeping in pain that has moved onto another poor soul while I hold onto it like a badge of honor.  Hard times, bad feelings etc. will always come and go in our lives and we just have to be willing to accept that. We usually learn a valuable lesson during our hardest times. My husband said to me “life is about continuing doing what is hard right through the pain because eventually we will get to the other side and be even stronger because we pushed through”. He also said some mumbo jumbo about the soil of your garden too but by that time I was DONE! Thank you honey for the great advice. I also learned that there’s something amazing to be said about feeling such strong pain in your heart and being able to pull yourself out of it. First off now that I am not in it I can look back and I am truly grateful to have been able to FEEL such agony  and still be standing when it is over. It shows you your own power something I have taken for granted and didn’t even know I had. Oh, but I do! Secondly I am grateful to have prayer and writing in my life. Because if it wasn’t for both of those I would probably still be stuck in the darkness. And lastly I am grateful to be able to have gone through this with my husband. He let me cry and feel sorry for my self and be angry when I needed to. Then he helped me to realize that I was getting through it. I love that he is my  best friend too, not just my husband. I love you Bear!

So all in all as hard as things, moments, and emotions can be, we will always come through it if we have people who love us to vent to, something that helps us to feel the suffering and help us heal, like prayer, writing, music or art. And lastly our own personal strength that will take us to the other side of the hurt/saddness/pain. For all these things I am GRATEFUL!

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