Am I a quitter?
Am I quitter? Do I stop when things get hard or before I have even begun? Have I decided the outcome before there is even a chance of a win or lose, pass or fail. The truth is yes. Yes I am a quitter. Yes, I have decided the end of the story before before it has even begun. Yes, I choose stopping before there is a chance of failing, getting hurt or disappointing someone, including myself. The difference between someone who stops for good and myself is that I am always looking for, waiting hoping for a chance to start again.
For instance with this blog. I had originally started it as a gage to my thoughts and feelings during the journey of weight loss surgery and also as a way to look back at the highs a lows of such a difficult, emotional and rewarding time in my life. And each and every week I poured my heart into these blogs and then it suddenly changed. It became about the “likes” and ‘comments” and it was no longer about the process or the journey. So I decided that it was time to turn in my blog writing pen and wait for a time when it would be about what really matters. A part of me hoped that the masses would be up in arms and say “No, Alicia. You can’t stop, we need your blog don’t quit.” Come on girl this is not a reality show staring you as the centre of attention. This is real life! When I finally came to terms with it, I ran into someone who told me how much she liked my blog and that it inspired her to lose weight. Really? WOW! That is incredible. And shortly after that I heard from another person that said they really enjoyed reading my blog. Still cannot believe it. I was actually touching people’s hearts and making a difference. So because of all the signs pointing in the direction of getting back on blog writing train, here I am. This time it is not for the “likes” or the “comments” this time it is for who ever needs it. Be it me or someone else. It is for the person that needs these particular words at this certain time…
My loving, amazing father had recently heard some words of inspiration that he wanted to share with me. It was about how sometimes when we are in the midst of any challenge we come at it from a place of fear instead of a place of love. I took those words deep into my heart and I really, truly finally got it. I had always started trying to change who I was based on the fact that I felt like I was a failure and needed to fix what was broken. Instead of saying to myself “Alicia, you are great right now and you are important to people and you need to take care of yourself and your body because you matter!” We all need to love our self this way. To take the time and be gentle and remind ourselves of our importance and to make us a priority so that we can be more to others who are looking for the light we have to shine. Because loving myself in the FUTURE sure isn’t going to get my butt out of the PAST!
So we started with the question Am I a quitter and the answer is yes. However I will now change that to a yes I have quit but I will never give up on my life because I love myself and have love to spread!